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One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an viewers. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my version of living actively: observing the details, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, giving her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a short video here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She must to honor Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some real memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?